It pains me to even type this because it is an admission long overdue. Just saying it brings great burden not only to myself but for those that surrounds me as well. I admit it, I am an alcoholic and a Meth Addict. I'm what you call a weekend user, but on occasions it does slip over in the weekdays. I'm what you call a person who thinks they have control of this activity simply because i feel i have everything under control. I have been an on and off user for about 4 years now. For the first 2 years it was almost a weekly habit where when Friday hits my body now what to look for. Not until i had sever paranoia attacks that i begin to question my use. Ive had paranoias on the most craziest things from conversations with the televisions to work and at the point where conversations i have in my head are beginning to take a hold of me. I started questioning life, love, work everything i can think of while im on it and try to create solutions on issues that pop in my head and only to find out when i come down from the drug that my problems really could not be solved by using this drug. BUT did i listen to myself or anyone else. NOPE. Only thing i changed the next 2 years was changed the frequency of my use. Possibly once a month or when long weekend hits. But now it's like i know and I expect the paranoia to kick in worse with each use but that don't seem to stop me(it does at time but i eventually cave in). Am i at the point where quite possibly i enjoy the paranoia's as an outlet to possibly express what my feelings? If i have to look at my life during my use, i consider myself lucky. I have a decent job, family that loves me a girlfriend thats been there from me through thick and thin(shes not a user) and truly blessed to still be alive. I'm typically just a goofy, care free guy when im sober, but when i'm high im this weird deep thinking person that has the need to solve issues that pop in my head. When I'm on it, I feel like people can read my thoughts and i get stuck in this time warp where its just me and my thoughts until i snap out of it.(or come down from the high) Just posting this out there because its hard to admit to something you have no control over. Anyone have a similar experience? Just my thoughts and thanks for reading.