well, i want to thank you all for replying to me... i am wondering if maybe i am not just having mood swings here, cuz today i am fine...LOL...and about the medications... i just don't think i need them... but i am not an expert, so i am going to finally tell my psych. doc the truth about not taking them.. i see him today.. and we will see what happens...i agree.. medications do work, if they are the right ones.. and since i didn't see any change in my thoughts or mood with those med's. i quit taking them,,, i took risperdal, lexapro, and diazepam for 7 months, call me crazy, but i thought that was enough time to see a difference.... who knows, maybe i still want instant gratification...my therspist has mentioned to me that she thinks i need different meds, so she and my psych. doc are talking that thru...

well thanx for all your help guys!!

MsVinny thank you for clarifying that for me!!

t3, thank you for the reply, and the congrats!!
wishing this was a dream