wow, and i thought i was alone here... (i am so unique that no one will understand me .. LMAO and i thought no one cared..(i am worthless) .. LMAO

here i go again... 15 months clean and you know what? i just realized that i havent really been IN recovery, i have just been 'dry'......that is discouraging...


maybe i am just pessimistic by nature.. maybe i am just a negitive thinker.. possible? dunno

i had been taking meds for all this crap... they had me on 30 mg of lexapro.. for the first 6 months then dropped it to 10 mg... big mistake, in my opinion

started welbutrin two months ago... nothing.. nada

risperdal for the psychosis part of it... doesn't do much.. i still halucinate , visually, and auditory..but, whatever

i dont take my diazepam tho, i have high anxiety and occasionally have a panic attack, but i feel that taking something like valium is too close for comfort..

i dont know what to do about this tho.. i have communicated these concerns to my shrink and my reg. doc... we'll see what's up later.
wishing this was a dream